When you can't be there.

Sometimes, especially in an LDR, but also in any sort of relationship, life gets in the way. You have a migraine or your allergies are acting up or you have an unexpected project at work or an extra assignment for class or you are freaking out. A death or illness in the family, unexpected plans you forgot about or didn't know about and can't get out of. Shopping trip takes too long, you suddenly aren't in the mood, internet is unreliable (living on a mountain and dealing with satellite internet and a pos computer, that is frequent for me), or you get sick, depressed, exhausted.

These things happen to us rather frequently and I have found that the key to making things work is communication and understanding. kitten is very good at the latter, even when she gets bratty about it sometimes, she is a very understanding person and knows that sometimes even when she needs me most, I can't be there for her and is very good at accepting when I can't, for the most part.

Right now (Note: actually, when I began writing this. I ended up going to bed shortly after without posting due to circumstances beyond my control. It has been two days since I started this post and I am just now getting to finishing it.), is one of those times. I have a horrid headache, and she has an exam, and while I would normally spend this time comforting and calming her, my ability to focus on things is not up to par at the moment. There is a lag between messages, it is raining out and so the internet isn't great to begin with, and this old, run-down laptop that I am using is just not working it's best. But she has been a wonderful sport about it all, and incredibly understanding of my situation, because she knows what is wrong.

In any relationship dynamic, but especially in D/s dynamics, it can be difficult to fess up that shit is going down. It can be difficult to say "I'm sorry, but something came up" or "I have a really bad headache, which is why I am not talking as much" because it is admitting weakness and lack of control over your own life or your own body.

Sometimes our hands are "forced" and we have little choice in the matter, but I think the word force should not be there. I think that it is important to "'fess up" promptly and without fear of being seen as weak, because let's face it; it's easier on your partner to one, know that you are also not perfect, and two, know that it isn't them that's the problem.

A disconnect in communication, this false idea that people are perfect and able to handle everything thrown at them, especially if the person in question is a Dom/me, is a fatal flaw in any relationship, of any kind, but especially romantic ones.  Because if you can't be wrong, if you can't be weak, or you can't be having a shit day and be able to just tell them, then everything falls on them - the blame, the repercussions, and the guilt and self-doubt.

No one can handle that sort of burden, no matter how close to perfection they may seem to be.