I feel so alone.
It’s probably just tiredness or depression or the fact that
I had a busy few days talking but fuck I’m alone.
What do I even do with my time when I have no lectures? I’ve
run out of internet so no Netflix, none of my games appeal to me and I can’t
keep my focus on knitting or reading. I’m just half-heartedly doing little bits
of things until I eventually slow to a halt and reflect on how fucking bored
and alone I am again.
Mari is around but she’s not really around. She’s manic and
so she is currently very focused on reading and finds it difficult to pull
herself away long enough to say two words to me. I understand this but I can’t
help my mind telling me that I'm being ignored in favour of fanfiction. I
should have other people to talk to but I don’t. I should have some kind of
drive to find other people to talk to but I don’t. Introversion is all well and
good but to be truly introverted I should be enjoying my own company and I’m just
not right now. I’m broke so I can’t go out, I can’t even make conversation with
my housemates. I'm just fucking wallowing in boredom and loneliness and it’s my
own fault because I won’t make some kind of fucking effort but I don’t even
know where to begin.
Even if Mari were to talk to me, I’m too grumpy to be
anything but sarcastic and harsh and she doesn’t deserve that. Still… this
feels worse than when she’s asexual.
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