First off, let's get the vanilla things out of the way. Moved in with grandparents proper, in their spare bedroom, mom is sleeping on the bed in the den. The camper will soon be not working out due to heat issues (the AC only works with the roof uncovered, alas; it is spring and thus rain is an ever present threat, which means links will be sprung and tarp must stay on.) and before we had so many cold spells that even our nice big new heater couldn't handle it. It's very stressful but I have handled it a lot better than expected.
My ex-roommate is sending some of my things to me which will help considerably. I miss my stuff.
My counsellor is super pleased with my progress and suggested a new step in therapy: peer support centre. There is one in the town that I live in and it is relatively close by and SETHRA (the pseudo-bus system) can pick me up and take me down there for only a dollar since it is in town, if my grandma can't take me. I'll be looking into it soonish I hope.
The above moving thing is part of why I haven't written anything lately, stress out the wazoo. I went semi-aysec for a while as well and that always makes blogging difficult.
I HAVE LOST A WHOLE LOT OF WEIGHT. And yet my tits continue to grow. /lesigh On the one hand I love large breasts, and having them, but on the other the bigger my boobs are the harder crossdressing is. :/ Maxie has the same problem.
OK NOW. Explanation for the below. Maxie is technically kitten's pet-name, and kitten is her position as well as another pet name. Her birth name is Rachel, and she has no problems with the name whatsoever, but I have never felt right using it for many reasons none of which will probably ever be written here.
Onto the D/s part of our relationship now.
As I have written about before I am sure (if not, oh well) I am a switch. Most of the time I am definitely Dominant but I have moments of extreme submission - usually following emotional crises. When I have a severe panic attack out of nowhere, or when I am feeling incredibly insecure and incompetent and things of that nature, I either get submissive after or am submissive during those times. There are other situations, but those are the big ones.
The thing is, the person who used to Dom me is really pretty vanilla outside of obviously the domination thing (which he's more of a daddy-dom anyways and not super dominant anyhow) and a size kink. And lately when we mess around it's more of a he just needs to get off and I am his best friend and always willing to help him because we have had our weird relationship for over ten years now.
I have severe trust issues. There are basically only two people I trust now to really dominate me - well kind of three but me and that person don't really mess around, it's complicated - and... one of those people is Maxie.
It might seem odd to some who read this but I know to others it will make perfect sense. Especially taking into consideration the hypnosis aspect of our relationship. I trust her more than I trust any person on this earth. I have always known she was a switch but previous subs of mine did not want to see any part of that side of me and preferred to pretend it didn't exist...
Well one night this past week I was really loopy from not sleeping enough and such and finally confessed to her that I'd really like to at least try her dominating me sexually some day. We're already switchy outside of sex - I am bipolar and have social anxiety/phobia and tourettes and a general muleheadedness about taking medicine for panic attacks until I am already in one so she has permission carte blanche to order me to take my damned xanax already.
She said I had already said something along the lines and I clarified: I didn't want to pressure her, but I really really really wanted to try switching during sex at least once.
We decided that if it happened naturally we'd try it and see how it went; if it screwed up the rest of the dynamic then no more. If it didn't - well we'd officially become a switchy couple with me the Mistress most of time but kitten the Mistress at other times when she or I needed it.
I had one of the aforementioned panic attacks earlier, and kitten noticed pretty soon afterwards that I was in a pretty out of it state of mind and correctly read it as me being submissive and scared shitless despite my medicine.
So she took charge. And in the perfect way. And we had mind-blowing sex (well through text and on call but fucking still holy shit) not just once but twice. Both of us agreed that it was definitely not going to be a one time thing. We also decided that me calling her kitten and her calling me Mistress had been pretty kinky but it wouldn't suffice for permanent. I am now her luna and she is my Mistress Rachel. We decided since I never ever use her birth name but she actually likes it (unlike me where I can't fucking stand mine), it was the best possible solution. Trying it out led to the second instance of sex.
So, there will be two new tags in this blog now, and the "Mistress" tag is basically getting retired, kitten (or me, after the fact) will tag her posts Mistress Mari if they have to do with me, and luna will tag her posts Mistress Rachel if they have to do with her.
So, um.... yeah. Kinda crazy, but the really awesomeazing kind of crazy and things went so much better than they could have and I really think we definitely made the right decision doing this. Hopefully she will write a post tomorrow or sometime soon about her thoughts.
(Also holy fuck is she a damn good Domme. *_*)
~Mari <3
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